Elon “Speaker of the House” Musk: The Case for our FIRST African President

A little while ago I published an article here about keeping Trump as the permanent resident of the White House. The eternal Vice President. Or, more fittingly, the eternal President of Vice. Of course, there isn’t anything wrong with staying the natural course of allowing Vance to take command and chose his VP pick, but it would be a wasted opportunity. But there is another, much funnier, idea floating around these days. Stack the chain of succession with increasingly farther right-wing and meme people.

To that end, the title of the article is now clear, should anything happen to Trump, and Vance assumes the role of the President of the United States, the Speaker of the House of Representatives now becomes the Vice President. Should Vance die in the line of duty, now the man who owns twitter, owns the rest of the executive branch. It’s nearly foolproof. You know, if it wasn’t for all the bigots looking at Elon Musks skin and feeling some sort of way about it.

It’s racism, isn’t it?

That’s right. It’s nearly 2025, and John Oliver is rolling around in his grave right now as the liberals and their party are becoming the most racist and vile party in American history. Of course, it wouldn’t be okay with them if an African wanted to run for president. Yeah yeah, civil rights, blah blah blah, infinity food stamps for liquor and shit, yada yada. But you want to be president? Get fucking real kid. Nobody in America want’s a God damned African running this country. This is MAGA country stupid! Go back to where you came from!

I couldn’t, in a million years of empathy training and counseling, ever know what it would be like to go through that conversation, being talked down to, by a Democratic Party leader. It would just break my heart. Why can’t the man dream? Who cares where he’s from? Does it really matter?

Well, apparently, it does in this backwards and old-fashioned country. Now, to be clear there isn’t any reason, legal or otherwise, keeping Musk from becoming the Vice President in the case of an emergency or even running as one. Becoming the President? That might be tricky given the current political climate and outdated laws on the books.

We must stop being so closed-minded

Anyone can be an American. Anyone can become the president. To think and act otherwise is to take a stand against our moral and cultural Americanness. But worse than that, it’s to take a stand against the poor and broken masses of the world. Showing Pootler and China-Man(bad) that anybody can become the President of the United States is to show our strength. Our diversity.

Now, I know what the liberals are going to say. Obviously, having an African in the White House isn’t about race, it’s about the legal status of the man who’s gunna sit in that chair. I know, incredible. Democrats and shitlibs are screeching about immigration/naturalization status in 2025. Crazy. But it’s going to happen. See, for years, almost a whole decade in fact, regular fly-over, every day, normal American’s have had to watch “their” government and elites preach to them from on high about how wicked and depraved being a normal person really is. Up is down, left is right, we’ve heard that song and dance enough by now. So maybe, who knows, maybe the shitlibs are right for once. Maybe it would take a foreigner to fix all the dark money and socially retarded gout in the system? Call me a bleeding heart I guess but perhaps it’s time to give foreigners a chance in this country. I mean, let’s be crystal clear here: what is an American anyway? Really? When you break it down to its most basic form, what even is that? An American isn’t a particular ethnicity, nor is it a particular religion or even a unique culture. America in a very really way is just an economic zone. Like a parking lot. A Walmart parking lot. Where you can park your car (temporality), go inside, conduct some market activities, and then get some black-market action (drugs/hookers) out in the lot on your way out if you need to take the edge off. See, all human beings on Earth are undocumented Americans. That’s the real truth of the matter. Nobody can be deported or removed or even exiled for being here illegally because, in the mind of a shitlib, no human being is illegal or whatever. Every single person on the planet is an American, they just don’t live here yet.

Anyone still holding out on this is a fascist of some flavor, or a racist. Or both! What we really need these days is to stop all the petty bickering. There’s literally not a single good reason to be at odds with your neighbors. Covid is over, and they apologized (a little) about being retarded and wrong about it. The BLM and Antifa riots burning down your towns and livelihoods isn’t happening anymore. Hollywood has made a pinky promise not to make any more transsexual content for your children anymore, and they really super-duper mean it this time. It’s just simply time to bring this nation back together again. The spirit of cooperation is our only chance to, well, beat the Russians or maybe the Chinese, I guess? I mean, I don’t really know why that shit matters, but all the neocons in Washington keep telling me should feel that way so I’m just going to send it. Yeah! Fuck the Chicoms! We can totally beat em’ in a shooting war! We’re finna’ (trying to show solidarity here) beat they asses! Hell yeah! National competition just might be what we need to ignore that half the country wants to erase your first two civil liberties, mutilate your children with the power of the state, and erase and defame your ancestors and your posterity. Nothing worth getting bent out of shape over. Certainly, not nearly as important as making sure the Russian’s don’t win a war that they’re presently winning. The only way forward is a giant progressive step in the right direction. I for one have the courage and gumption to propose and believe in it. In the US.

If you can’t get behind putting in office our first African, then I don’t think you should be my countryman anymore. Hail Elon! Hail Grok! Hail the shitposter in chief!