The Night of Most Consequence: 2027
The lights blind the camera, but the silhouette of the youngest and most vital man to ever seize the White House blocks the stage lights, and the photographer snaps his picture. JD Vance, like many before him, planned on using the post of the Vice President to springboard into the top job in America. Unlike all the rest, however, he succeeded. But that isn’t the story of the night. The real ink will be spilled upon the man to his right as he makes his victory speech. His VP. Not a man who he chose, but a man who chose him. The lights and the crowd come to a murmur. Vance introduces the American people to a man they know all too well, a man who needs no introduction. “Welcome your Vice President, Donald J. Trump!” The crowd goes wild and chanting and screaming at the top of their lungs. “4 more years, 4 more years! 4 more years!”
The Unassailable Insurance Policy
Before election night, but before the second assassination attempt, there was an idea: How could the president ensure his safety, while in office, and thereby the safety of the will of the American people? The correct answer, of course, was to pick a vice president who would be worse than yourself. To which, of course, it is meant to be understood “worse” in the liberal popular consensus. In a hypothetical and perfect world with no limitations or costs, what would that VP candidate look like? Simple. Adolf Hitler.
Who better to not only foil yourself (Trump) than with Hitler? Who more dangerous to the neo-con & neoliberal consensus? Now the choice of a would-be assassin and a hot-blooded democrat-controlled hill would be thus: Hitler, or literally Hitler? If Trump isn’t as bad as they say, or not as bad as the alternative, perhaps the violent and vindictive element of this nation could be assuaged from triggering the next civil war for another 4 years.
But what of the politics of the real? Who living and “electable” could fulfill this role? The infamous David Duke. How could liberal shills and cynics alike find reason to dislodge Trump after an election with the best-known Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan? What flyover American would even give a hoot and a half if the media called the ticket the “most racist or sexist campaign since the last one, so they swear.” Honest! In the same degree that shitlibs would blow a whole collective fuse, the milk toast conservitards would just shrug and carry on with their blue-collar lives. After all, to forgive and forget is a part of the Christian mission on earth, whereas the Reddit brained and most euphoric amongst us salivate and chomp at the bit for a live-streamed struggle session. Where blue empire would only kvetch and gnash their teeth for the umpteenth time, red empire wouldn’t bat an eye, just another day ending in “Y.” “Oh? I’m racist for voting for Darth Cheeto, King of the Racists? Yeah, what else is new?” “Oh, the demoncrats are freaking out over Trump again? Sweet.” There shouldn’t be any need for further examples of the (yuge) cultural divide in the Gay American Empire (GAE), but the skinny here is that this simply is just the greatest insurance policy in the history of insurance policies. Believe me.
But that’s only half the story.
But now the Election is already over, and Vance was already chosen as the ticket VP. It’s too late for Trump to insulate himself from political shenanigans and duct-taped optics. Other than the Secret Service actually being under his direct control once again and perhaps getting Eric Prince and his people to fill in for all the diversity Americans on the SS payroll. So, beyond a few giggles and taking the piss, like casually gaslighting shitlibs about a third term, what else can we war game for more practical fun?
Instead of looking for a VP shield, perhaps Trump should become that shield himself. Turn it around and only pay lip service to following the law now that he’s a well-known outlaw. Of course, he can’t actually have a third term, that wouldn’t be legal. But strictly speaking, there are no term limits on veeps. He’s not really in charge, that sounds a bit paranoid, don‘t you think? Kinda how your racist uncle at Thanksgiving alleged that Kammalama was really running the show when Joe was taking his 4-month nap after he lost his adrenochrome stache? Remember how wacked out he sounded saying that at the dinner table? You’re not a conspiracy theorist, are you?
Just imagine, a White House with Trump that never, ever left. We could have a continuity of governance until the man has a diet-coke fueled stroke. With accomplished and well-known necromancer Kennedy’s watchful eye on the man’s intake of triple quarter pounders and Newport flavored vape sticks, Trump could easily advise and influence the Grand Old Party out of its Rhino past and funk and into a future free of everything that makes the GAE what it is for the next 20, Inshallah, 40 years.
And what an impact that could be.
Okay, very cool, but how?
For such an unprecedented move, we only need to imagine something the president does on an hourly basis. Shitposting online. If the most popular man in politics, especially in his neck of the empire, says he’s fixin’ to do something, it’s gonna happen or everyone is going to be bummed when it doesn’t. The outrageous cheers of delight and scorn for blue empire would be the rallying cry of the GOP’s entire existence. Nothing else up to now would ever have the same “rally round the flag” effect as Trump defying the shitlibs and their cultural and legal authority in the most “rules lawyering” way ever conceived by man. If voting for Trump in 2016 was the middle finger to the establishment swamp, ivory towers and the 5th estate, then voting for a vice president Trump would be a massive kick to the cunt of democratolatry and demosphists the entire world over. It can not be possibly overstated how much his supporters will love him for this and how his detractors will scream and cry over this with no end in sight.
Imagine something entirely predictable next. The establishment judges, lawyers, and dark money men somehow legislate or challenge his run into the ground. Yet again, the man, if he could play it right, would have his second mugshot moment. Nobody but Trump could play it off that way, and these freaks wouldn’t be able to help themselves, especially if Trump goaded them into making this mistake a second time. And when they do, the correct course of action would be to not only go back to Joe Rogan’s show, but then on to all the smaller and niche center-right to right-wing YouTubers and podcasts all over the internet to not only court those ears but to recruit those voices. Not as “influencers” in the flavor and style of the Kammalama campaign, but as legitimate agents and thinkers of the movement going forward. Could you imagine staffing the stuffy and useless conservative Inc. think tanks with fresh partisan blood? Could you imagine flooding the space with these people? It would set the stage, or rather the foundations, for the next conservative and right-wing generational victories beyond this century.
Practically speaking, the final matter to consider is money. This is as easy as it was for Kammalama and Co when Berry strong-armed Biden from continuing the race, the simple fact that all the monies, all the staff, and the whole ticket shifted left was one of the nails in the coffin for the DNC to ensure the best candidate could be picked at the convention. Beyond Kammalama’s oppression, the Olympic Resume was neigh unbeatable, the fact that since she was already part of the current admin meant that the entire campaign staff, team, and funds could just swing over to her. Frankly, it did make some sort of sense, despite the obvious and glaring issue right under the liberal nose. So too does this make sense and is possible for, at the very minimum, the 2027 race but possibly beyond.
Sell me this pen.
Easy. Trump, the most powerful man alive, giving the unofficial X (Twitter) live stream State of the Union Address from Tranquility Base. On the moon. Trump, the spaceman. Trump, the tiebreaker of the Senate. Trump, the investigative blogger on the hill. Trump, or Elon, the newfangled owner of FOX News. Trump, the PI, digging into all the dirt on all our enemies and their weirdo friends. Could you imagine the personal wealth of Trump and Elon paying a private army of private investigators rifling through the (twisted) personal lives of all the liberal justices and senators in this country? Trump is not only the vice president, but he’d also be the new president of vice. Liberal vice. Trump, the next Kissinger to all Republican and Democrat presidents moving forward. Each GOP presidential hopeful would have to kiss the ring or tug Trump’s ear to take his turn on the golden throne. It could be anyone. A total pushover like Jeb Bush (given enough dirt) wherein Trump really would be the one running the show. Or perhaps a real breath of fresh air. Imagine a Trump loyalist, or someone more ideologically pure than the Don. Imagine a President Tucker or O’Keefe. Anything is possible. The cry of the former president, now the vice president, telling the masses that his legacy and final acts as president, the last great strides of the outgoing administration, and the last mandate you gave him can move forward. Together.
I can’t believe it’s not real democracy.
It wasn’t until Lindon B. Johnson that the VP was actually ever really busy or valued to any degree. Frankly, the post has never been a crucial participant in the American experiment until only recently. The last hundred years have seen the task of continuity of government in case of incapacitation of the commander in chief and even the original role as the deciding vote on the hill was never so important as it is today, with everything as polarized as it is. The office could use a little renovation if we’re being honest with ourselves. The post could truly be something useful and righteous if given enough energy and irreverence. Trump could walk that back or back it right up any which way his diet coke-powered heart desires. You want something cool? Just turn your back on dEmOcRaCy. Just a little bit. It’s not like the framers intended for one anyway.
